Dream: Shattered Glass in My Tongue

Last night, I had a dream that I was taking a vase off of a shelf, but dropped it, and it shattered everywhere from the fall. I knew I had made a horrible mistake, and began to hate myself. Shortly after this, I began to have pieces of glass in my tongue and in the palms of my hands. I don't know how they got there. For the next few days in my dream, I was picking big pieces of glass out of my hands with tweezers, and was hardly able to talk to people because of the glass pieces in my tongue. Finally, at the end of the dream, all the glass was out of my hands, and right before I went to have surgery at the hospital, the glass in my tongue disappeared.

I woke up this morning and had no recollection of the dream upon waking. I went to have my time with God, and while I was raising my hands in front of me, I opened my eyes, and saw two big scars on the centers of the palms of my hands, where I had picked the glass out in my dream. This is how the Lord helped me to even remember the dream, as it had completely gone from my awareness. But during my quiet time, He helped it came back to my memory. I began asking the Lord what this meant.

He reminded me of scriptures He had given me the past few days about the tongue, and about how I've developed a way of speaking negatively. He also reminded me of a time in my life where I was "shattered by a fall." I've not only grown so angry at myself because of this mistake I made, but was extremely hurt by "the fall", and in turn it has cause me to have negative thinking patterns or habits, and words as well... for "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45)

A couple days ago, the Lord gave me Proverbs 15:4 - "A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

He has been working on me so much regarding my tongue, because lately I've been speaking hopeless and despairing words because of my health, wondering if I will receive healing like Thomas and I see so often on the street. It's been 6 months now that I have had a virus that has stollen my energy, my joy, and lately, my hope.

The Lord is teaching me in this season to be careful what I say. Because I feel low, it's easy to speak words mirroring my low spirit. Thankful words bring life, and words of complaint, hopelessness, or negativity make me feel worse right after I say them.
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)

I am ready to make a huge effort to be careful what I say to others, regardless of how I feel or how frustrated and confused I am about my health. Sometimes I can't answer questions that people ask me- especially when I see so many people miraculously healed before my eyes. I can't explain why the Lord hasn't healed me- well, actually I can. The word "Job" is a fine enough example of suffering that believers go through, to be refined in the fire. To be made righteous. To be tested to the painful roots of issues. What if that's why some of us aren't healed? Maybe the Lord wants to use our pain and sickness to refine us in the fire and make us pure as gold, so that even in the lowest of our lows, a point where we have no energy or joy, we will still say, "My God reigns." And not only that, but to teach our tongue to stop complaining, being defensive, and speaking words that only drag ourselves and others down.

I am hopeful that I will learn this! It is my goal to begin the upward climb to stop speaking words that drain me, and start declaring thankfulness and praise to God, no matter how low I feel. This surely is a learned discipline. I do believe that once I learn this, his purpose for my sickness will be complete. If I can learn to speak righteously at my lowest of lows, I will be able to carry that habit in the good seasons too.